Past Lives Exist

London 1888

Loves Secret

Never seek to tell thy love,     Love that never told can be;    For the gentle wind doth move     Silently, invisibly.      I told my love, I told my love,  I told her all my heart,    Trembling, cold, in ghastly fears.     Ah! she did depart!      Soon after she was gone from me,     A traveller came by, Silently, invisibly:     He took her with a sigh. –



There’s something terribly tragic about unrequited love. Some have even committed suicide over it. Yet in a sense what could be more romantic? An “untried” love is virtually without limits precisely because, never really having begun, there’s been no time for disillusionment to set in. The beloved—frequently distant, uninterested, unavailable, or unapproachable—can remain an object of indefinite idealization.

A mighty pain to love it is,
And ’tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain. ~ Abraham Cowley

Cutting Ties

After a long – a very long (years) of thinking and debating I’ve come to realize that it’s time to cut ties with a very toxic family. I will be leaving in March and moving to Seattle. A much better place. I’ve tried for years to do the family thing and though I’m not married – my family isn’t really a family. There is a difference between family and being related. It’s toxic. I did some research in making this decision that couldn’t be made lightly. The following are things are a list of things that let you know something has to be done. I’m a 30 something girl and as in many of my other posts you’ve seen that I’m me, and the things that I enjoy are not things my family enjoys.  I was raised in a very religious home/family and some of that has led to reasons I am cutting ties. I have no family.


What is unacceptable treatment?

Rejection, abandonment, not taking the time to get to know you or to be in your life, making you feel unwelcome, someone being competitive or hypercritical of you, pressuring or forcing you to be someone you are not, blaming, ostracizing, manipulating, belittling, neglecting and abusing you…the list goes on and on and on. These types of experiences can make a deep imprint on our hearts and inhibit our ability to react without them being present in the back of our mind’s. Our reactions to life become sceptical, doubtful, fearful and we more often see the dark instead of the light in both people and situations.

These negative experiences can jade us for a lifetime, unless we learn to do whatever it takes to get ourselves into a positive nurturing environment and replace negatively influenced reactions with positive ones.

What are the signs indicating that you could use a break or change?

-Your own health and mental well-being is damaged
-You feel emotionally, physically and/or spiritually injured
-The relationships with your immediate family/spouse/partner is suffering
-There is violence, physical and/or emotional abuse
-There is substance abuse
-There are constant struggles for power
-There is unnecessary distrust and disrespect

yes…yes I am

Friends, Cameras, and RUN

Yeah so friends… that’s a big word. It rarely exists actually.  You’ve heard the old saying “True friends are hard to find”  it’s correct and I have to say I’m very selective. I have a couple of close friends and a LOT of aquaintances.

I hate pictures. I don’t like taking pictures, and I usually only take pictures at family get togethers.  I did the modeling thing when I was a little younger. It was okay. YET it always seems that when I am out somewhere especially with friends that are known, it’s like a fucking nightmare. Do you realize that not all women have to wear make up to look nice? Yeah, but even if that’s true make up can make a world of difference and when I’m out and about I don’t have glam make up on. It’s only then that people and cameras conspire against you.  Combine that with someone that knows absolutely nothing about TAKING photos and you look like a train wreck pretty fast. (I still think it’s planned that way but what the fuck ever)  I will do anything in my power to NOT take pictures. I’ve been around people that are photographed just coming out of their flippin house, and I will literally remove myself from any place a camera could catch me. (you know that person 17 feet behind targeted subject?) yeah I’ll make sure I’m way of of camera range.  I’ve never brought my own camera and I will not even take pictures of people it’s just weird.

You’d think I’d learn  right? I’d make myself into a doll when I knew I was going to be somewhere? NOPE, see…it’s just this thing inside me. I can’t keep from just being myself.  I’ve never felt I had to do that. Always just been comfortable in my own skin ( when It comes to saying cheese for a camera when I HAD to)  feeling comfortable with what made me, me took a hell of a lot longer.

Any positive that’s come from this?  Sure. My friends tell me I’m the one that makes THEM feel normal, and that having me around gets them in touch with a part of their own lives that they can’t always tap into. (back before they were photographed eating breakfast, farting or simply trying to have a great Friday night. )  I suppose that’s a compliment. I’m their friend that transports them back into a safe normal world.    At least I’ve helped someone.

I am going to give an example.  If you do not want to look bad in photos, DO NOT Pose for them, ( lol Just kidding) ok for real, do NOT take a picture if you are worried that you aren’t “fixed up” if this is something that makes you feel strange then don’t do it. Especially if:

It’s just a friend who says “Come on! Take a picture!” after you’ve spent over a hour gabbing with said person in photo with you ( see photo below) – do NOT give in to pressure.

If you know your friend is a moron with a camera, do NOT take a picture. you will look worse ( see photo below)

If you are tired, and have had a long evening, and a couple of drinks (see photo below) DO NOT take a picture.

If you have been dancing, partying, and you just want to be nice to someone with a camera (see photo below) DO NOT take a picture.  I’m telling you, it’s not a good idea.

For other people they always are dressed to the 9’s, have their “glam” make up on etc etc etc. Go on take your photos if you must, but for someone like myself (camera phobic) I’ll do my best to remember all the rules above. It’s worked 99% of the time. However their are those awkward moments that slipped through the picture “wall” I’ve so carefully built. (see photo below) I just like to have a great time, keep it real, and be me. Friends are hard to find. Friends that don’t back stab, talk behind your back, and are loyal. Damn near impossible if not extinct.


This is the ever popular  “Look I’m standing next to a “celebrity” pose.  I can’t stand posing like this. Why can’t someone just take a photo when you’re sitting there hanging out? Why do they need both of you to look and smile??? It doesn’t look natural anyway.

Whatever – this has been your warning.



Tracing History

Um  yeah second post on this shit. NOW I can’t trace my maternal grandmother’s family back. She was born in Kentucky – Milburn KY =   Sucky ass records.  Which means hardly ANY records. Well FUCK.

Recall II

I woke from a dream a few months ago and it’s stayed with me. I was sitting in a dark hallway, I could see a little down the hall and around the corner where there was light. At that time a man walked around the corner into the hall. I was sitting in a chair. He leaned down and placed his hand on the chair and was two inches from my face. He said in a very eery voice. ” There was no soul split”  He was referring to Jack The Ripper. That’s all I got out of the dream.  I have made a note to check out more on soul splits.


I also had a dream that this same man pushed open the doors to a speak easy or some kind of establishment that was similar. Everyone was dressed as in gangster attire.    More to research.

Hmmmm  I hope that doesn’t mean to buy a flapper dress. It’s not going to happen. Fringe tickles too much.  LOL

Do Vampires Exist?




Oh this will be a short post because I want to devote a couple of subject posts to this. I do believe they exist. I was disappointed many years back when I’d try to find non fiction books as a young girl. I always wanted to find books stating that vampires existed and how. I did find a couple but they seemed to lack anything that grabbed a person.  Do I believe they have super human strength and hate garlic? No. but I do believe they exist, and yes more than just people going around that do blood play.  No something different. More on this later.

p.s.  OH and they don’t sparkle either.  : wink :


You called me to tells me this? Please don’t do it. I know you’re under pressure but you don’t have to do it.  God! If you do this, tomorrow will be the beginning of the End.

no matter ..just please don’t forget ……you will always have a place to come to.