I’ve received some comments here and a few emails and I felt it was important to take a post again and address those. I’ve had quite a few readers email me- sharing their stories and how they felt alone, wondering what was going on. Somehow knowing deep inside that it wasn’t just a dream, or it wasn’t something evil. They just “knew”
I do understand what it feels like to know what’s going on but unless you get a book written by an open intelligent mind – your stuck. Sadly 90% of the churches and religions aren’t going to be much of a help. They automatically think you need to be delivered from demonic influence. ( I’m not saying that doesn’t exist, it does,.. but not generally in past life recall. Legit recall) The smaller the town, the more INLAND you go – it always seems the smaller the minds. I had to live, and reach out the biggest part of my childhood through books. It took me out of the slow – boring mid-west. Mind you at that time there weren’t books on recall. It was all the classics, and books that to this day most people don’t have a clue what I’m talking about unless they too are book enthusiasts.
So here is a shout out to Roger in Sweden for letting me know about a forum I could visit. Also another shout out to a woman in SC who is trying to reach out, and delve into the dark pool. For anyone that wants to contact me please visit the who is writing this at the top of this blog. My email is listed. I am more than happy to talk with anyone. I realize this is a very small little blog – I do not have hundreds of followers, but It is my hope that those that are meant to find it will. I believe that.
Just Believe. Don’t ever care or give a shit what other people say about you or tell you. This is your journey. LIVE.
Yeah so friends… that’s a big word. It rarely exists actually. You’ve heard the old saying “True friends are hard to find” it’s correct and I have to say I’m very selective. I have a couple of close friends and a LOT of aquaintances.
I hate pictures. I don’t like taking pictures, and I usually only take pictures at family get togethers. I did the modeling thing when I was a little younger. It was okay. YET it always seems that when I am out somewhere especially with friends that are known, it’s like a fucking nightmare. Do you realize that not all women have to wear make up to look nice? Yeah, but even if that’s true make up can make a world of difference and when I’m out and about I don’t have glam make up on. It’s only then that people and cameras conspire against you. Combine that with someone that knows absolutely nothing about TAKING photos and you look like a train wreck pretty fast. (I still think it’s planned that way but what the fuck ever) I will do anything in my power to NOT take pictures. I’ve been around people that are photographed just coming out of their flippin house, and I will literally remove myself from any place a camera could catch me. (you know that person 17 feet behind targeted subject?) yeah I’ll make sure I’m way of of camera range. I’ve never brought my own camera and I will not even take pictures of people it’s just weird.
You’d think I’d learn right? I’d make myself into a doll when I knew I was going to be somewhere? NOPE, see…it’s just this thing inside me. I can’t keep from just being myself. I’ve never felt I had to do that. Always just been comfortable in my own skin ( when It comes to saying cheese for a camera when I HAD to) feeling comfortable with what made me, me took a hell of a lot longer.
Any positive that’s come from this? Sure. My friends tell me I’m the one that makes THEM feel normal, and that having me around gets them in touch with a part of their own lives that they can’t always tap into. (back before they were photographed eating breakfast, farting or simply trying to have a great Friday night. ) I suppose that’s a compliment. I’m their friend that transports them back into a safe normal world. At least I’ve helped someone.
I am going to give an example. If you do not want to look bad in photos, DO NOT Pose for them, ( lol Just kidding) ok for real, do NOT take a picture if you are worried that you aren’t “fixed up” if this is something that makes you feel strange then don’t do it. Especially if:
It’s just a friend who says “Come on! Take a picture!” after you’ve spent over a hour gabbing with said person in photo with you ( see photo below) – do NOT give in to pressure.
If you know your friend is a moron with a camera, do NOT take a picture. you will look worse ( see photo below)
If you are tired, and have had a long evening, and a couple of drinks (see photo below) DO NOT take a picture.
If you have been dancing, partying, and you just want to be nice to someone with a camera (see photo below) DO NOT take a picture. I’m telling you, it’s not a good idea.
For other people they always are dressed to the 9’s, have their “glam” make up on etc etc etc. Go on take your photos if you must, but for someone like myself (camera phobic) I’ll do my best to remember all the rules above. It’s worked 99% of the time. However their are those awkward moments that slipped through the picture “wall” I’ve so carefully built. (see photo below) I just like to have a great time, keep it real, and be me. Friends are hard to find. Friends that don’t back stab, talk behind your back, and are loyal. Damn near impossible if not extinct.
This is the ever popular “Look I’m standing next to a “celebrity” pose. I can’t stand posing like this. Why can’t someone just take a photo when you’re sitting there hanging out? Why do they need both of you to look and smile??? It doesn’t look natural anyway.
Whatever – this has been your warning.